Asserting yourself to resolve conflicts

3 options when faced with a potential conflict: passivity, aggressiveness or assertiveness.

Passivity

As the tension mounts, you say nothing and accept the situation without reacting, to avoid conflict. What are the consequences? By ignoring your rights and needs, you undermine your image, both in your own eyes and in the eyes of others.

Remaining silent in the face of a colleague who forgets to acknowledge your contribution to a project will erode your self-confidence and undermine your credibility with the hierarchy. Another possible consequence is that, by acting as if nothing had happened, you'll be feeding your own frustration and resentment. Then you'll react disproportionately, no one will understand what's going on, and you'll be seen as unstable and unmanageable - the last straw!

Aggressiveness

In contrast to the previous example, you resolve any tensions by imposing your vision of things. There's no question of ducking the issue, but rather of facing up to it and prevailing. Contrary to what you may think, with this attitude you haven't put out the fires: they're smoldering in the background. Imposing your point of view is not resolving a conflict, it's rather contributing to frustration and resistance. You'll slowly but surely turn everyone against you, and end up with a “toxic” label stuck on your back. HR is unlikely to support you for long.

These two approaches are not mutually exclusive: depending on the circumstances, we can be either passive or aggressive. In any case, these options are not a panacea.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the middle way, encouraging you to express your point of view objectively, to negotiate or to seek a compromise. You'll be able to share your opinions, your needs, even your emotions, in a respectful way. By taking others into consideration, you contribute to healthy, balanced relationships.

This doesn't mean that conflicts magically disappear, but rather that you favour a constructive resolution (it's okay to disagree, that's how we move forward), based on collaboration.

In everyone's eyes, you're part of the solution, not part of the problem.

What are the benefits of assertiveness in conflict management, and how can it be cultivated?

Developing assertiveness and self-confidence is an ongoing process, acquired and refined over time.

Here are a few ways to reinforce this skill:

• Be aware of your own value and potential. List your successes, skills and unique qualities. Stumped? Ask those close to you - you'll be pleasantly surprised.
• Claim that your actions and choices are consistent with your principles and objectives.
• Take care with form and content: use the conditional tense, don't make accusations, use a calm tone, maintain eye contact... everything to underline your openness.
• Practice non-violent communication: if you feel criticized, express your emotions without aggression, but express them!

In conclusion

Self-confidence enables you to express your desires, opinions and emotions respectfully and constructively, while taking into account the needs of others. Thanks to it, you'll gain self-confidence, express your full potential and improve your interactions and collaborations.

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